Why Networking Feels So Uncomfortable (And How to Fix It)

The good news? The problem isn't networking itself. It's the approach most of us have been taught to take.

If you're reading this, chances are you've felt that familiar knot in your stomach at the mention of "networking." 

Maybe you've sat in your car outside a professional event, giving yourself a pep talk. Or perhaps you've avoided industry gatherings altogether, telling yourself you're just "not good at that stuff."

Here's what to know: you're absolutely not alone in feeling this way. Networking has earned its uncomfortable reputation for good reason, and your instincts about why it feels off are probably spot-on.

But here's something else that might surprise you: networking actually works incredibly well. And once you understand why the traditional approach feels so wrong, you can discover an approach that feels not just comfortable, but genuinely rewarding.

Why networking matters (even if you wish it didn't)

You've probably heard this before. But bear with us, because understanding these numbers can actually be empowering:

• Personal and professional connections account for 60% of successful job searches (32% and 28% respectively) far ahead of job boards (13%) and staffing firms (8%)
• 70-80% of positions are found through personal connections and may never appear on job boards
• 54% of workers report landing a job through a connection, yet more than one in five (21%) have never asked anyone for a referral

Here's what this really means: if networking feels hard to you, you're making your career journey much more difficult than it needs to be. But the solution isn't to force yourself through uncomfortable interactions—it's to find a better way.

Why traditional networking feels so wrong

Your gut feeling about traditional networking? It's absolutely right.

Most networking advice treats relationships like business transactions: smile, exchange cards, follow up strategically, and hope someone throws you a bone. When every conversation has a hidden agenda, of course it feels performative and exhausting.

Research actually backs up what you've been feeling. Studies show that when we form relationships for purely selfish reasons, we experience what psychologists call "moral dirtiness," that icky feeling that tells us something isn't right about what we're doing.

So if networking has felt:

• Inauthentic (because it often is when it's all about what you can get)
• Exhausting (constantly calculating value is draining)
• Ineffective (people can sense when they're being used)

...then your instincts have been serving you well. You've been resisting something that really doesn't feel good.

Here's what actually works

The professionals who seem to effortlessly build strong networks? They're not actually "networking" at all. They're just being genuinely helpful and interested in others.

Instead of thinking "What can this person do for me?" they naturally wonder "How can I be helpful here?" or "What interesting thing might I learn about this person's work?"

This isn't about being a pushover or giving away all your time for free. It's about approaching professional relationships the same way you'd approach personal ones, with genuine curiosity and a spirit of mutual support.

Small steps that feel natural

Generous networking doesn't require grand gestures or special skills. It often looks like everyday kindness:

• Really listening when someone talks about their work challenges
• Remembering to follow up when someone mentions they're looking for a specific resource
• Making a thoughtful introduction when you know two people who might enjoy knowing each other
• Offering honest feedback when someone asks for your perspective
• Sharing an article or opportunity that might interest someone in your circle
• Celebrating others' successes genuinely

You're probably already doing some of these things naturally. The shift is simply recognizing that these everyday acts of professional kindness are networking. The kind that actually works.

Moving forward at your own pace

If you're someone who's been avoiding networking because it felt wrong, please know that 34% of people cite lack of confidence as their biggest barrier. You're in excellent company.

The great thing about generous networking is that you can start small and build from there. Maybe it's reconnecting with one former colleague. Maybe it's offering to help someone who mentioned a challenge they're facing. Maybe it's simply being more present and curious in the professional conversations you're already having.

When you approach networking as relationship-building rather than opportunity-hunting, something wonderful happens: it stops feeling like networking at all.

Your gentle challenge

The next time you find yourself in a professional conversation, whether it's planned or spontaneous, try this: instead of thinking about what you might gain, simply focus on being genuinely interested in the other person and their work.

Ask questions because you're curious, not because you're fishing for information. Offer help because you can, not because you expect something in return.

You might be amazed at how different it feels when the pressure to "network effectively" disappears and you're simply connecting human to human.

Remember: the goal isn't to become a networking superstar overnight. It's to build professional relationships in a way that feels authentic to who you are. And that's something you absolutely can do.